Chapter Five Part Two

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Headship and Submission

He was sitting at the table of the King in a neighboring kingdom, when his hired servant came with an urgent message. Upon reading the message, he repeated the words he had just read, to himself; “the birthing has begun,” then rose quickly from his seat, unaware that his words had been heard by anyone but himself. Then he caught himself, looked at his guest and said, “I am sorry, but I will have to ask you to excuse me for now. It is imperative that I return home at once.”

“You have no one to tend your flocks?” questioned the king.

“I do, sir, this is another matter entirely. I must be off immediately.”

“Well, for heaven's sake, man, surely it is not your wife who is birthing!” the king spoke in agitation. “ I am sure you have midwives to take care of such women's business! Surely you do not run every time your little woman calls! This is indeed irregular!I am afraid, sir, that if you leave before we have made an alliance between us, I may be unwilling to do so at all. I set this time aside especially for this purpose and my time is of great importance.”

The young man now narrowed his eyes and gave a rather irreverent smile. “Be that as it may sir,” he said, “you and I do not have an alliance, as you point out, as yet. While I would rather be at peace with you than war, I will not neglect an allegiance already made and committed to. You may decide whether you wish to attempt negotiations at a later date or no. Thank you for your hospitality, and good day.”

He turned without another word, hurried from the palace, mounted his steed and headed in the direction of his home as fast as he dared. It would take a good four hours, across fields, streams and hills. He would let his horse decide his pace with a little urging to communicate the urgency. He could trust him to get him home as fast as he was able.

Christelle walked back and forth in the garden in front of the castle, which was her home. Again and again she asked God to slow her labor until her beloved should arrive. This was her third child, and the second had come more quickly than the first. “But God is good to me,” she whispered.

Her six year old daughter and four year old son came quietly out of the main door and approached their mother. Anouska carried a tray with water and bread. “Here mother,” she said softly. Beatrice said you must eat a little something and drink plenty of water to keep your strength. Chubby little Ancel began rubbing his mother's arm affectionately. “I am here mother,” he said. “Is there anything you wish me to do?”

Christelle kissed her son's forehead. “Yes, my son, I wish for you to stay near Beatrice and to assist her in any way she might need you. She is seeing to it that all preparations are in order for the arrival of your new brother or sister. Also pray that daddy will arrive safely and in time.”

Ancel now beamed from ear to ear. He gave his mother a big hug, then hurried back toward the castle, saying, “Of course I will! I will do just as you say mother and help all the time you need me!”

Christelle smiled. “You too, sweet daughter, be available for Beatrice as you have already done. You are helping so much.”

“Okay mother.” I will leave you to your thoughts, prayers and the work I know you are doing.” She kissed her mother and went inside.

“They are about thirty minutes apart,” Christelle whispered after sitting quietly, and breathing through another strong, though not yet too uncomfortable contraction. “Surely there is time.”

Joel (pronounced Joe – ell) hurried down from his mount and drank from the cool river water, not far from his horse, who had stopped on his own. It was tempting to urge him on, but he knew that he was doing his best and needed the drink. “Father please let me get there in time” he prayed.

Joel knew that the ground was still soft this early spring, from the long hard rains that had just passed. This made travel harder for his faithful friend.

He looked around, noticing the tiny buds on tree and bush. Spring was the perfect time for his child to be born. He noticed a hunger pang. He had not eaten since early that morning and walked away from a table laden with the finest foods. It did not matter. Getting to Christelle was all that mattered now. As he turned to remount, he noticed a berry bush, took off one of his outer garments and loaded it with a few handfuls, tied it and climbed back onto his horse, grinning at the thought of what Christelle would say about him staining his clothes with the red juices.

Christelle had just laid down on the satin chaise, near the honeysuckle bush, in the courtyard, when she heard the beat of the hooves, approaching quickly. Fifteen minutes apart sweetheart, Beatrice said. “I am glad you decided to rest a bit, though the walking has done you good, I am sure,”

“Oh Beatrice, he comes!” Christelle exclaimed excitedly. Beatrice smiled. “Yes he is here. Now he can do the job I was trained to do, and do it well, as always.”

“But he feels better when you are here dear,” Christelle said patting the midwife's hand.

Christelle had just found herself in her beloveds arms when she winced with the pain of the hardest contraction thus far. “It is alright now,” she said “you are here. I think things will move faster now.”

Joel helped his wife inside to the sun room where she had chose to give birth. Three walls were nearly completely glass and surrounded by bush, some spring flowers and new green buds. There was a vine covered privacy wall, and a lovely fountain that bubbled and sprayed continuously, while colorful birds played and drank from it's water.

Within an hour and a half Christelle was feeling the urge to push. Her husband and supported, coached, massaged and applied hot wet cloths that Beatrice kept ready and brought to him as he called for them.

Beatrice had never seen a man take on the role of midwife before she had met Joel and Christelle; but they were unlike any married couple she had ever known in many ways.

Joel was not a king, but he was a man of wealth and power, respected and revered by all who knew him. When it came to major decisions, he would, at times, meet with wise men for council, but it was always the opinion of Christelle that held the most weight. He would talk with her, listen earnestly to her thoughts on any matter, then go to Jehovah God, before making known his decisions. They were bound to each other and unified like two halves of one whole. She watched them now in amazement.

It seemed Joel sensed Christelles' needs before she could speak of them. He seemed to understand what was happening; knew when she needed to change positions, sip water, and finally squat.

Now he soothed her forehead, moved her long hair away from her face and neck, then gently checked the progress. Good one, he whispered, as a powerful contraction ended. “Go ahead and push when you need to now.

“J-O-E-L …” her voice rose in volume and intensity. “Joel I must push!”

“I know. I am holding you. Good girl. Now breath. Let me see. Maybe one more – then ...”

“J-O-E-L!”

I know, I've got you darling, pull as hard as you like on my shoulders. We will do it together.” Ahhh okay, let me see …

Slow now, you must resist now, you must. Let me ease this one out so there is no damage.” he said as he gently applied the oil.

“But Joel I have to …”

“Almost. Hold back ….”

“But I can't.”

“ Yes. - You must ... just a little …. Now … now go ahead.”

“Slow – slow – “

“I ... I.. am trying! Oh Joel!

“It's okay go ahead now!”

And a blessed cry filled the air!

“A cry of effort – A cry of relief! Then a cry of new life!

As Joel lay his new son on his mother's breast, she could see his hands shaking, but saw him as the strongest and bravest man in the world. He had come down to where she was, supported, helped, protected and led her as she delivered the fruit of his seed and their love, into his hands.

Never had Christelle looked so beautiful or so strong, to Joel, than at that moment as she lay glowing and bathed in love, nursing and carressing their child. A few moments ago she was vulnerable and needed him to shield her and her world, while all of her focus went to the magnificent and extremely powerful job, that only she could perform. Her entire body had been consumed with the process of delivering his child.

“Thank you!” he heard her saying. He leaned over, kissed her tenderly and whispered, “Thank YOU- my love!”

1 Cor. 7:4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.

Eph. 5:28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

There's just something about that knight in shining armor, isn't there! It stirs the heart. I think, if they were honest, it stirs even the feminist, who works to be and display herself as equal to and not needing the man. There is something in seeing a woman be so valuable to a man that he would even wage war to help her and protect her, that touches the heart.

The man in the story above is a picture of a man of God, the 'head' of his wife and family, during the Renaissance period. He portrays many characteristics of what should be evident in the head of a family; a man among men.
One of the first things that can be seen about Joel, is his confidence. He is not intimidated by the king, of whom he is guest.
Also Joel is willing to do what he knows to be right, no matter what the consequences.
Joel is faithful to his commitments, and his first commitment, under God, is his wife, then family.
Joel saw to the provision of his family,  not only of material needs, but emotional and spiritual as well, and that first and foremost. If the king should decide not to form an alliance with him, even to go to battle against him, Joel would trust God for the outcome.
Joel was not motivated by fear.
He was a man of strength and faith.
He was not driven to being irresponsible, even at a time of urgency. He did not drive his horse beyond it's ability, but trusted it to set the pace for the best outcome.
Joel's love for his wife and the value he placed on her, was greater than all other needs, goals and even pressures of life.

Such a man may seem very attractive, even too good to be true. Yet he was the 'head' of his wife.

The truth is, that many women have suffered much over the years, because of either misconception of how God wants them treated, what their purpose is, what man's role is concerning them, or/and the hardness of hearts.
While we know the Bible has said that man is the head of the woman, many may feel this suggest that woman is inferior and will be treated as such. Most women do not want a man to think of her as either mindless or helpless; certainly not just a beautiful toy, or pet. Something inside tells her that she is equal to the man, though she be different in many ways. No matter how she wants to obey the Word of God, a woman does not want to be devalued, oppressed and to be held back from her true potential.

Where has all of this come from?
Well, there are surely many answers that could arise, but the one we will look at, is that written in scripture. Much abuse and oppression has come from certain, let us say, misconceptions of some scriptures.

Our primary topic, is The Beauty and Power of Woman. How can that be seen in the subject of Headship and Submission?
That is what will soon be discovered, I hope, not only by women themselves but by a multitude of men. God has not set up an order for the purpose of oppression or destruction. It is a thief who comes for that purpose. And if he is a thief, then what he is trying to take is something that is ours.

John 10:10 The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.

Jesus came to give us, (both the male and the female), life more abundantly than many have ever yet experienced. It would seem that many of God's treasures have been buried away under a pile of false ideas and beliefs. But that should not surprise us really, when we know that -

(Speaking of Satan) John 8:44 … the devil… he is a liar, and the father of it.

Today, however is a very good day, because this is a day to push back the deceitful coverings, and to pull out the treasures; a day to grasp them and to embrace them!

So let's look back again to the beginning of things. Let's look again at God's intention and what happened to mess up the picture. Go with me back to Genesis. We have already seen that God said “Let us make man in our image,” (Gen1:26) and that He did just that (Gen. 1:17). We have looked at the fact that the man and wife were to be 'one' flesh. (Gen. 2:24). And that God even called them by one name (Gen. 5:2), before they sinned.

We've looked at the creation of the woman, and the steps God took in making the completer of the man.

Now let's look, for a few minutes, at how that picture got corrupted and brought on the trouble in the marital relationship.

After the man and wife had disobeyed God's command not to eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, we read of the repercussions of their actions. For years, this has been called the 'curse'. In actuality, scripture only says God cursed two things. Let's take a look.

In Gen. 3:14, after both the man and woman had given their explanations of what had happened when they had sinned, God spoke first to the serpent and told him -

Gen. 3:14 And the Lord God said unto the serpent, Because thou hast done this, thou art cursed above all …

Then in verse 15 God said something we need to take special note of -

15 And I will put enmity between thee and the woman, and between thy seed and her seed; it shall bruise thy head, and thou shalt bruise his heel.

Here God, himself 'cursed' the serpent and stated that 'HE' was going to put enmity between him and the woman. It may be this particular hatred, that Satan has specifically for women, that has been the motivating factor behind all of the false ideas and mistreatment of women. It may also be the motivating factor behind the ways in which women have harmed themselves in their efforts for liberation. In all these incidents the enemy has brought about deception and bondage

God told the woman that he was going to greatly multiply her sorrow (itstsabown; worrisome, that is, labor or pain: - sorrow, toil [Strong's Exhaustive Concordance]) and her conception and -

Gen.3:16 ...and thy desire (shall be [not in original Hebrew]) to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

Then he 'cursed' the ground for the man's sake and told him that in 'sorrow' (same word used for the woman) he would eat it all the days of his life.

So here we have the results of sin; what was going to happen to people who would have to be separated from intimate fellowship with God, until the Savior would come and ransom them back to their God. There were two curses named, but in truth the changes God brought upon the man and the woman were for their good, considering that until the day of their salvation, they would live separated from him.

From this particular chapter has come much of the mindset of how women are to be treated. They have been looked at as the offenders who brought on all these miseries and sin itself. They have been viewed as the sex that must be ruled by man, according to the command of God.

What is important, is for us to keep in mind, that this was NEVER what God had wanted for his man and woman. He had made them for the purpose of creating an image and reflection of himself. He had made them to be unified; one, as is the Godhead and to share a similar love and fellowship; oneness of heart and mind. So whether you see the things that God said here in Gen. chapter 3 as having been caused by God, or to be his statements of the natural repercussions of their sin and the changes he made, it is important to understand these changes were not his original intention.

Jesus came to bring major changes once again. He came to take us from sin and to pay our debt of sin. We are no longer required to pay the wages of our sin, or that of our ancestors, Adam and Eve, but we have been changed through the salvation brought to us by the blood of Jesus and by His resurrection. We have been freed from the chains of sin and reunited to our God.

It is true that all around us, the repercussions of sin go on existing and they do effect us, but we have been called out; to consider ourselves no longer 'of' this world; no longer chained by sin; no longer slaves to it or it's wages, which are death, but we are called to life and that more abundantly.

In the garden of Eden we find the gift of life as God intended, then the death of two most important relationships; the relationship of mankind to his God and the marital unity God had designed.

It is not for us to go back, look at the wages of sin in the garden and to believe God wants us to continue to live in their bondages. Jesus came to set us free. He came to restore us to a relationship with him, and thus also the relationship He desired for man and wife to have before sin messed up the picture.

Now why don't you pause here and put on your dancing shoes? For the beauty you are about to see may set your heart to rejoicing and if you get the urge to jump up and have a little dance, you will be ready!
Look with me now at the heart and intention of God, as seen in the New Testament.

John 17:22&21 Neither pray I for these alone, but for them also which believe on me through their word.

21 That they all may be one; as thou, Father, art in me, and I in thee, that theyalso may be one in us: that the world may believe that thou hast sent me.

It is in unity that the reflection of God is seen.

Why do women find it difficult to embrace the idea of the headship of the husband? Oh many would likely cry out, “It is her rebellious spirit!” or “It is because every man wants to have his own way!”

But I would like to suggest something different and/or more, although I fully acknowledge that many people are rebellious in many ways, to the will and heart of God.

But I believe there is far more to it than that. I believe that it is wired into the woman, by her creator, to desire a relationship with a man, that is according to God's original purpose and his heart. While they may not fully comprehend what it is they long for, they do not find it portrayed in a ruler, servant relationship. After all, woman was created to be unified, and actually one with her husband. She was created for something wonderful and beautiful that her heart still longs to know and experience.

Although woman wants to be valuable enough to a man that he would be willing to take care of her – she does not want to be thought of as mindless or helpless

Although she wants a good provider – she does not want to be put in a box and told she cannot use her own talents and skills

She is not looking for a ruler – but a lover.

She is not looking for a controller – but a partner; someone to come into agreement with.

She is not looking for a father – but a bosom friend and confidant.

She is not looking for a meal ticket – but someone to eat, sleep and live with.

She is not looking for someone to share a house with – but someone to share life with; to share her heart with.

She is not looking to be owned – but someone to treasure and be treasured by.

She wants to love and be loved, heart, soul, body and mind.

She is not looking for someone just to sleep with – but someone to dream with.

She is not looking for someone just to give her orders – but someone to share goals with, to work with to accomplish those goals and to share victories with.

She is not looking for someone to simply posses her – but someone to appreciate her, admire and adore her.

She does not want to only be petted – but she wants to be acknowledged, accepted for who and what she is, including her abilities.

She is not looking for someone only to share with – but to be 'one' flesh with; flesh of his flesh and bone of his bones.

If a man treats his wife as a servant, all these things that she desires is lost.

She wants, deep in her soul, to be and have what God created her for!!

                                       IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?

       GOD JUST LET ME BE, AND HAVE, WHAT YOU MADE ME FOR!

Okay, are some of you about ready to scream - “BUT what about the man being the head of his wife?!” IT SAYS THAT DOES'NT IT?”

                                       YES! ABSOLUTELY! IT DOES!

I hope that if you have been reading this section from the beginning, that you have already read part one, and taken a glimpse at the relationship of God the Father and God the Son. I hope that you have considered how they function, even though God is the 'head' of Christ. Then maybe looking at the actual meaning of the word 'head', spoken in the Hebrew in which it was written, will help to clarify some things.

Head (Strong's) kephale, kef-al-ay'; prob. from the prim. kapto (in the sense of seizing); the head (as the part most readily taken hold of), lit. or fig.:-the head.

This word 'head' is the same word used in speaking of your physical head, but obviously it is being used in a different sense in the scriptures we are looking at. Here it is that which is most prominent; that part most readily taken hold of. It is what is out front, shall we say. Another way of putting it might be to say it is the part that would stand out front of the others and thus being vulnerable to first outward attack.

According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, the definition for vulnerable is

1 capable of being physically or emotionally wounded

2 open to attack or damage: assailable < vulnerable to criticism>

Interestingly, the word 'exposed' is a synonym for 'vulnerable.'

Another way we might think of the 'head' is that of a leader.

But can a man be a leader, or the 'head' of his home without commanding them as a master over his servants?

Well consider again, God's attitude in the New Testament concerning his people.

Speaking to his disciples, Jesus said -

Matthew 20:25 &26 … Ye know that the princes of the Gentiles exercise dominion over them, and they that are great exercise authority upon them.

26 But it shall not be so among you: but whosoever will be great among you, let him be your minister (an attendant, that is, (gen.) a waiter (at table or in other menial duties) … (Strong's Exhaustive Concordance)

Mark 10:42-45 But Jesus called them to him, and said unto them, Ye know that they which are accounted to rule over the Gentiles exercise lordship over them; and their great ones exercise authority upon them.

43 But so shall it not be among you: but whosoever will be great among you, shall be your minister: 

44 And whosoever of you will be the chiefest shall be servant of all.

45 For even the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many.

John 17: 20-23 Neither pray I for these alone, but for them also which shall believe on me through their word;

21 That they all may be one in us: that the world may believe that thou hast sent me.

22 And the glory which thou gavest me I have given them; that they may be one, as we are one:

23 I in them, and thou in me, that they may be perfect in one; and that the world may know thou hast sent me, and hast loved them, as thou hast loved me.

Here we see that even Jesus, who is the 'head' of the man, did not come to be ministered to, though he be God of the universe and having all power and authority, but he came to minister to those he loved, and even to give his life for them. His plan was to die for them, so that they could be restored to a relationship with God. What is the goal seen in the scriptures above? It is that we “may be perfect in one”

Can you see God's heart of unity?

Certainly there must be a way for a man to be the 'head' of his home, and yet to lead as 'his' own head lead while on earth.

He can have leadership and authority, and yet lead through the weakness that will give him ultimate strength.

2 Cor. 121:9 &10 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

10 … for when I am weak, then am I strong.

Here we see the apostle Paul recognizing that Christ's power would rest on him, if he did not seek to use his own power or position to lord over others, nor to direct his own way, but instead found his sufficiency in God's grace.

This grace, according to Strong's Concordance, is charis; graciousness …; especially the divine influence upon the heart, and it's reflection in the life; … 

Paul realized that all he needed to get the job done, was the Word of God and the influence of the Holy Spirit. God was his authority. If he relied on God and his Word, letting this influence all that he did, he could do anything.

He said in another place -

Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

Galations 5:26 Let us not be desirous of vain glory, provoking one another, envying one another.

All that we do, no matter what our position, is to be done with humility, seeking the glory of God rather than our own.

God's heart; his desire is that we be unified; be one and recognize our need for each other.

He lays out his will for his people, including that of the marriage in Ephesians chapter five.

Ephesians 5:17,18;21 Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is.

18 And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit

21 Submitting yourselves one to the other in the fear of God.

Do you want to be wise and know what the will of God is? Then be filled with the Holy Spirit and submit yourselves one to the other.

Yes there are God given positions and roles. But no matter what that position is, it should be carried out in humility, understanding the value each part plays in the eyes of God. Each should submit to the other and give him room to do what God has called him to do.

Ephesians 5:22&23 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 

23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: AND HE IS THE SAVIOR OF THE BODY.

Yes each should submit to the other, BUT since the man is the 'head' of the woman IN THE WAY THAT Christ is the head of the church, wives are to submit  to their own husbands, or, that is, LET HIM DO HIS JOB!

WHAT IS HIS JOB? It is to be the head; that which is out front; on the front line for you and his family, facing the foes, protecting and providing for his family and leading in the way of righteousness.

And just what might that look like?

Ephesians 5:25 Husbands love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

WIVES LET YOUR HUSBANDS LOVE YOU IN THE SAME WAY THAT CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH AND GAVE HIMSELF FOR IT.

Christ is the savior of the body, his church, which is his own body.

1Cor. 12:27 Now ye are the body of Christ, and members in particular.

Romans 12:5 So we, being many, are one body in Christ, and every one members of another.

So also is the man and wife individual members of the same body; a part of each other. Let the husband, then love his wife to the point of being willing to give himself for his wife, as Christ gave himself for his bride.

His motivation then, should be the love he has for his wife, not the desire to dominate her. He should desire to do all he can so that they might be unified in heart and purpose, as it pleases the Lord that they be one.